Vile Jokes - Offensive Jokes

What punch hurts a kid the most?
Answer:
Hover for answer A Sandyhook
Added: 03/16/2014 6:01 AM

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What does a priest and a silver medalist have in common?
Answer:
Hover for answer They both came in a little behind.
Added: 03/15/2014 11:59 PM

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A woman gives birth to twins. The midwife says there's good news and bad news. Bad news is of them is ginger, but the good news is it's dead.
Added: 03/15/2014 5:59 PM

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Why are black people such good dancers?
Answer:
Hover for answer They spend their first nine months dodging coat hangers.
Added: 03/15/2014 11:58 AM

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A child is alone in his room, playing with his toys, when BAM! A time machine appears. "Johnny! I'm you from the future!" "Really? Oh boy! What do I grow up to be?!"
Answer:
Hover for answer "A pedophile," older Johnny says as he locks the door.
Added: 03/15/2014 5:53 AM

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Why doesn't princess Diana have a gamer-score?
Answer:
Hover for answer Because she's on the dashboard.
Added: 03/14/2014 11:52 PM

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I was watching TV last night and an ad came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to get one, they seem to work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling!
Added: 03/14/2014 5:52 PM

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What do you call a retarded person smoking pot?
Answer:
Hover for answer A baked potato
Added: 03/14/2014 11:50 AM

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I like my women how I like my coffee, strong, black and illegally traded.
Added: 03/14/2014 5:50 AM

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I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old and locked in the basement.
Added: 03/13/2014 11:42 PM

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I like my violence like I like my beer...
Answer:
Hover for answer Domestic
Added: 03/13/2014 5:40 PM

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My uncle died on 9/11. He was on the flight that crashed into the buildings. To me he was an uncle, but to the world, he was a brilliant terrorist.
Added: 03/13/2014 11:40 AM

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Who are the world's fastest readers?
Answer:
Hover for answer 9/11 victims, they went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.
Added: 03/13/2014 5:38 AM

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A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter.
"My god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims.
The dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."
Added: 03/12/2014 11:37 PM

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Added: 03/12/2014 5:30 PM

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I heard the last quarter mile at the Boston marathon is killer.
Added: 03/12/2014 11:28 AM

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What has 3 legs, 2 arms, and 5 heads?
Answer:
Hover for answer The finishing line of the Boston marathon.
Added: 03/12/2014 5:27 AM

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My wife walked in on me fucking our daughter. I don't know which made her more surprised, that I was fucking our daughter or the fact the hospital let me keep the stillborn.
Added: 03/11/2014 11:26 PM

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What's the difference between a boy-scout and a Jew?
Answer:
Hover for answer The boy-scout came back from camp.
Added: 03/11/2014 5:21 PM

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How is a tumbleweed a lot like a gay guy?
Answer:
Hover for answer They blow and blow until they end up stuck on a fence in Wyoming.
Added: 03/11/2014 11:20 AM

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What is Canada's oldest red wine?
Answer:
Hover for answer I want my land back.
Added: 03/11/2014 5:19 AM

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How do you recognize a rich Ethiopian?
Answer:
Hover for answer By the Rolex around his waist.
Added: 03/10/2014 11:14 PM

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How does every black joke start?
Answer:
Hover for answer With a look over your shoulder.
Added: 03/10/2014 5:14 PM

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"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa. "No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.
Added: 03/10/2014 11:11 AM

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What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
Answer:
Hover for answer The taste
Added: 02/19/2014 11:00 AM

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Why shouldn't you hire a midget as a chef?
Answer:
Hover for answer The steaks are too high
Added: 02/19/2014 5:00 AM

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A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.
Added: 02/18/2014 10:59 PM

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Midget Psychic escapes jail. Small medium at large.
Added: 02/18/2014 4:57 PM

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Why did the semen cross the road?
Answer:
Hover for answer Because I wore the wrong socks today.
Added: 02/18/2014 10:56 AM

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Dwarfs and midgets don't get most jokes, they usually go straight over their head.
Added: 02/18/2014 4:56 AM

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